Transition of Love

jldeleon

Barefooters
Apr 9, 2011
2,840
2,835
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Oregon
I am sharing this with all my friends and family, and, since I consider all of you my friends - I have to share it with you, too.

Dear Friends and Family,

Last night David and I went to the restaurant, where some 20 years ago the “love fairy” smacked us over the heads.

This is the card I gave him.

Each Great Kindness, Like a Seed, Grows Tall in Memory

Dear David,

The night of a full moon is symbolic in that it is a time of "TRANSFORMATION". The Universe planned for us to be together to share this VERY SPECIAL moment in time. This "time" is the transformation of what our relationship "was" into what it is "to become". The most important part of our relationship -the foundation upon which it stands- is LOVE. I am so thankful to be able to spend this very special night with the most special person in my life. Though this is the end of one phase of our life "together", it is just the beginning of a new phase of our life "together". I have always loved you and I always will. I look forward to many more years of building memories with you. I love you, bunny.

Thank you so much for sharing your love with me.
-Jen

David and I have decided that is time to redefine our relationship, and, as part of that decision we have decided that a marriage relationship is no longer conducive to our needs as individuals -and is, in fact, actually detrimental to the continuation of a loving relationship between us. Some of you know what the ultimate “deal-breaker” was, but, as those of you who have been in a significant, committed relationship know, the factors leading up to a, relationship change, is always far more complex than the “final straw”.

Many of you who have either come from a family whose parents divorced, and/or, who have had their own divorce, and have had the unfortunate experience of “hating” each other before, during, and after the break-up. This is not the case with David and I, and I must ask you to refrain from projecting your fears onto our situation. Unless you have beaten, raped, or attempted to kill me –once I love you, I love you forever, no matter what. This sentiment goes both ways, between David and I. To this day, I am still friends with all of those who I have had a loving relationship with. David and I have had a wonderful married life together, and we will continue to have a wonderful non-married life, together.

I am really thankful to the women in my life who HAVE managed to end their marriages with compassion and love –and who continue to care for each other, are still best friends, and who are proof that relationships may “change”, but true love NEVER ends. I know four couples whose marriages ended (in their 18th year of marriage, ironically), and who are living proof that whether a marriage ends in love, or in hate, really IS a CHOICE. That being said, deciding to end a type of relationship is like euthanizing a beloved pet – you know it is the compassionate thing to do, but it still REALLY hurts. In order to help facilitate this grieving process, David and I will continue to see our relationship counselor for some time.

One of the number one reasons I married David in the first place, was because he and his first wife got along and he has always done everything he could to help her and to take care of their children (and now 11 grandchildren). When I met him, he was sleeping on his ex-wife’s couch, working two jobs, no car, massive debt –and he did all of that because he was committed to taking care of them and because he loved them. And every year, for a period of time, he would write his ex-wife a letter expressing his remorse about all the mistakes he had made in his marriage with her – what an incredibly loving gesture. His truly loving soul is THE reason I married him, because I then knew, that no matter what, he and I would ALWAYS love each other.

As many of you also know, we have spent years in both individual, and marriage counseling, working hard to learn to compromise, become better individuals, and better marriage partners. Commitment really is the key to making any relationship work. We DID make it work and we learned a LOT from each other, and in the process, A LOT about ourselves –and we will continue to do so in our new relationship. The lessons we learned from being married are invaluable and they will continue to serve us well in this life, and beyond. We are definitely opposites, and opposites attract because the Universe must balance, and without opposing forces, no one would ever grow. We have no one to thank, but each other, for the incredible positive changes that we have both made in our lives. That being said, as time has gone on, we have come to embrace our true identities and, in doing so, have discovered non-negotiable, irreconcilable differences that prevent us from
happily existing in a traditional marriage.

David will write a letter, similar to this one, when he is ready –as I was the initiator of the separation, it is the compassionate thing to do to allow him all the time he needs to make his “declaration”.

Love,
David and Jen
 
"The higher the highs, the lower the lows." <3

(I know it's cliche, but ex-wife and I are better than ever. "We are all connected.")
 
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